As I changed the date on the heading of my SOAPSTone from February to March, it hit me. Whenever I hear or see anything relating to the month of March, my mind immediately flips to Spring Break. I become disinterested in the conversation at hand and begin to fantasize about what fun excursions my family will find for the upcoming trip. I flash back to previous vacations and relive the joyful and exciting moments. I create a mental list of places I hope my family will go to eat, destinations I hope my family will visit and activities I hope my family will enjoy. However, today, when typing out March 1, instead of thinking about Spring Break, I realized that this March will be different than the past 12 months of March. It dawned on me that this is March of senior year. In six months I will be in college. I soon became sad that this vacation would be my last high school vacation with my family. I guess, having only having one child, my parents can still plan vacation for my Spring Breaks in college, but something about that does not seem the same. When I think of a high school vacation, I think of teens, young adults, hanging out with friends and family and relaxing. A college Spring Break seems to me to sound so much more formal, stressful and less fun. As my stomach churned, the word “college” caused mixed feelings. At first I became excited, thrilled at the idea of meeting new people, yet remaining in close contact with high school friends. Creating more independence from my parents certainly does not sound half bad either. I also cannot wait to experience city life, surrounded by unique and culturally diverse people. Unfortunately, these happy feelings quickly passed as I soon became anxious. I began to fret about meaningless “fears.” I began to wonder if the distance between my future “home” for the next four to five years would end up being too far from my actual home and family. I began to second guess myself: “Did I apply to the right schools? Will I have enough schools to choose from? Have I applied to the right college within the larger Universities?” Eventually these unsettling thoughts subsided as I again as I remembered what my camp counselor told me at the end of camp this past summer, “it’s not the real end; it’s just the end of a chapter. The best is yet to be!”
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| Spring Break '09 |
Emily, I have experienced very similar feelings to yours. For some reason, dating my paper with a "3" instead of a "2" seems as though senior year is almost over. After choosing a college in early November, I constantly have feelings of worry and doubt. I often ask myself, "Have I picked the right college?" Or, "Why didn't I just wait and see what other schools I can get into?" But now, I am just realizing that all of this fret is a waste of energy. There is no point in stressing myself out over something that I cannot undo. I just have to trust my first instinct and wait to see what the future brings. After all, if I end up not liking Colgate University, I can always just transfer!
ReplyDeleteI actually wrote about the same topic, basically. I too have been getting mixed feelings about college. I'm excited to have more freedom, see new places, and meet new people. On the other hand, however, I am nervous about being on my own and being forced to make my own decisions. I know we make our own choices anyways, but it'll be different without the guidance from our parents. At least they're only a call away.
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